Don’t Try This at Home!

Remember those stunt commercials, usually of precision driving, with the disclaimer “Stunt driver, closed course,” or something like that? Keep that in mind when you watch the Winter X games.

I received a press release from a major corporation, announcing a program they have to promote winter sports safety. All well and good.

The goal, the statement said, was to “communicate important safety messages to consumers before they head to the slopes and try to imitate what they’ve seen on television.”

I immediately thought “Don’t try this at home.”

No, I don’t mean “don’t try snowboarding.” Do try it. But don’t try to go 15 feet out of the halfpipe, spin three times, and then land back in the pipe. Not unless you’re, oh, 19 years old and have been working your way up to those feats.

But you already knew that.

What bothers most about the disclaimer is that it encourages the thought (as does the X games) that snowboarding is all about wild flips, spins, and big air.

For some people, it is. But the folks who compete in these events have as much in common with ordinary snowboarders, especially Grays on Trays, as you and I have with NASCAR drivers when we get behind the wheel of the family automobile.

I admire the ability of snowboarders who compete at the highest levels. But my freestyle ambitions are much tamer, and I know that.

And that’s fine with me. Keeping on board on the ground provides enough enjoyment.